Why Don’t I Like Myself in Photographs?

I hear it in my studio almost every day. Someone will reluctantly agree to join a family photograph and say, ‘I’m not photogenic’ or ‘I never look good in pictures.’

After more than 25 years photographing people, I’ve come to think there are several reasons for this — and most of them have very little to do with how someone actually looks.

We’re used to a different version of ourselves

Think about how often you look in the mirror: brushing your teeth, doing your hair or getting ready to go out. That reflection is the version of your face you’re used to seeing. A photograph doesn’t reverse your features in the same way, so even a perfectly good portrait may feel strangely unfamiliar.

It’s a bit like hearing a recording of your own voice. You might think, ‘Do I really sound like that?’ There’s usually nothing wrong with your voice; it’s simply different from the sound you’ve spent your life hearing in your own head.

So there’s nothing wrong with the way you look or the way you sound. It’s just different to how you think you look or sound, and this makes you feel a little uneasy. That’s why everyone else likes your picture and you go, “Not so sure, don’t myself”

We try too hard when the camera comes out

Some of our favourite photographs are the ones taken when we didn’t realise anyone was watching. We were talking, laughing or simply being ourselves.

Put a camera in front of us, though, and suddenly we feel we ought to ‘do a smile’. The expression becomes forced. This is where a good portrait photographer earns their keep: not just with equipment and lighting, but by helping people relax enough for their real expressions to come through.

At Two Front Teeth, I am always really careful not to say, “Can you smile?” because it just won’t look natural. The job of the photographer is to make you smile, to make you laugh, and to get the genuine expressions. And of course, you don’t have to smile; you can look serious, cool -there are lots of different ways to look in photos.

Could the camera itself be part of the problem?

Yes. A phone held very close to the face can exaggerate the nearer features and change the proportions of a portrait. Camera distance, angle and lighting make a real difference. A less-than-flattering selfie isn’t necessarily a fair representation of how other people see you.

We’re often harsher on ourselves than on anyone else

When you look at a family photograph, you might immediately notice something about yourself that you don’t like. But when you look at the other people in the picture, you probably A lovely photograph of them!

And don’t forget about lighting in a professional studio. The lighting will be done for you, and this can often be far more flattering than harsh shadows that are taken outdoors or subdued lighting indoors. personalities, smiles and the people you love.

An interesting thought about evolution

Here’s a fascinating thought: for most of human history, people couldn’t see themselves clearly whenever they wanted. Mirrors have existed for thousands of years, but good-quality ones were not always part of ordinary daily life.

In evolutionary terms, our brains developed long before mirrors, photographs and phone screens became everyday things. Knowing exactly what we look like — and examining images of ourselves constantly — is relatively new. Maybe it’s not surprising that we sometimes struggle with what we see. That’s a thought rather than a proven explanation, but I find it interesting.

‘I look terrible today’ — especially with a new baby

I often hear this from parents who haven’t slept well: ‘I’m not going to be in the pictures today. I look terrible.’ Yet I’m looking at them thinking they look absolutely fine. Often, they feel exhausted, and that feeling affects how they think they look.

Of course, nobody has to be photographed if they don’t want to. But I’d always encourage parents to try a few pictures with their baby. It’s a moment in time you’ll never get back. You may be pleasantly surprised when you see the results.

‘A photographer told me I wasn’t photogenic’

Years ago, a lady came into the studio, I think for photographs with her dog. She was probably in her fifties or sixties, and she told me she knew she wasn’t photogenic because a photographer had actually said so.

She explained that she’d been on a cruise three or four years earlier. She hadn’t liked the photos, and the photographer apparently told her that the problem was that she wasn’t photogenic. I was shocked. I remember saying, ‘Rubbish!’

We took her photographs, and she absolutely adored them. What stayed with me was how much more confident she seemed when she left than when she arrived. In a funny way, I felt the photo shoot had given her a little bit of therapy — an unexpected boost to how she saw herself.

I don’t believe people should be written off as ‘not photogenic’. With patience, natural expressions, good light and the right approach, everyone deserves the opportunity to have photographs they feel good about.

One day you’ll look back and realise how good you looked

This is something I tell clients all the time: one thing I can almost guarantee is that when you look back at these photographs in twenty years, you’ll absolutely love them. You’ll realise just how good you looked, and you’ll be so glad you had them taken.

So even if you’re not completely confident today, jump into a few pictures. Your family won’t be analysing every little detail. They’ll simply be glad you were there.